Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
