Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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