My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
