just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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