Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
