you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
