I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
