I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
