the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
