Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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