We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
