fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
