last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
