okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
