Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
