you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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