Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
