Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
