i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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