i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
