He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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