I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
