I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
