sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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