I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
