Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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