Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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