we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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