yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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