You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Randomize
