I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
