i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
