Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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