Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
