Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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