So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
how does that bad decision feel?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
His nipple licking is glorious
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