I just cut my nipple shaving
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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