I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
