Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
