any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
