Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
