Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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