I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
