fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
