Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
