i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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