Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
