Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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