You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
