I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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