Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
