o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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