Screwed.edu
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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