You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
