Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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