i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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