Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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