the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Everyone says I win the strip club
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