before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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