I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The cops high fived after they tackled you
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
