No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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