If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
