dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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